Capitalism
Traditional Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
>and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other cow to produce
>the milk of 4 cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. You
>then start bombing another farm to get their cows.

French Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
>an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create
>clever cow cartoon images called "Cowkimon" and market them
>world-wide.

German Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
>and eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Bristish Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

Italian Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
>lunch instead of worrying about the problem.

Swiss Capitalism:
>You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them and make a lot of dough.

Chinese Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment and high bovine productivity. You have the journalist who
reported on these numbers arrested and thrown into detention.

Malaysian Capitalism:
>You have cows. You sign a 40-year contract to supply milk at six
>cents per litre. Then midway you raise the price to 60 cents or you
>cut the supply of milk. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you
>change your mind again and now want $1.20. The buyer decides you can
>keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled
>cows.

Singaporean Capitalism:
>You have 2 cows, one cow-peh and one cow-bu. Both are owned by a
>government-linked corporation.







You Know You're Too Stressed If...


* You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.


* The Sun is too loud.


* Trees begin to chase you.


* You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.


* You can hear mimes.


*You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.


* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.


* Things become "Very Clear."


* You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.


* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.


* You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.


* The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.


* You and Reality file for divorce.


* You can skip without a rope.


* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.


* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.


* You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.


* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.


* Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.


* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before









This a good lesson for man...
>
>In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:
>
>Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
>
>You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
>
>Here is a guide to the point system:
>
>SIMPLE DUTIES
>
>You make the bed (+1)
>
>You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
>
>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
>
>You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
>
>You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
>
>You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
>
>You check out a suspiciousnoise and it is something (+5)
>
>You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
>
>It's her pet (-10)
>
>
>SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
>
>You stay by her side the entire party (0)
>
>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) Named Tina (-4)
>
>Tina is a dancer (-6)
>
>Tina has silicon implants (-80)
>
>
>HER BIRTHDAY
>
>You take her out to dinner (0)
>
>You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
>
>Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
>
>And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
>
>It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
>
>
>A NIGHT OUT
>
>You take her to a movie (+2)
>
>You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
>
>You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
>
>You take her to a movie you like (-2)
>
>It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
>
>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
>
>
>YOUR PHYSIQUE
>
>You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
>
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
>
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
>
>You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
>
>
>ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
>
>She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
>
>You hesitate in responding (-10)
>You reply, "Where?" (-35)
>Any other response (-20)
>
>
>COMMUNICATION
>
>When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
>
>You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
>
>You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
>
>She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
>